Someone who recently read my blog made a remark - "2011 was a good year for you (your blog)". There is a lot in common between the year 2015 and 2011 for me. 2011 was the last year of my engineering and this is the last year of my MBA. These two have also been the most significant and undoubtedly the best periods of my life. Aptly then, the expression of solitude (blog ID) and a vent in the delirium (blog name) happens when these good things come to an end.
Ending is painful, specially when the last bits have been the best so far. The worst part is, that you can't do anything about it. It is like a slow death when you see yourself dying in front of your eyes. You know that you are a student for the last time, like the very last time, ever in your life. You can live another 60-70 years and still probably these will be the last times you had so much fun with so little resources and so many friends. The world outside is scary. It is judgmental. It expects from you. It demands from you. It directs you. It is cruel.
The past few months have been special. The best way to put it would be incroyable (incredible/ unbelievable). Definitely the best time of my life. Every night was crazy. Every moment was a memory. Every story was incroyable. Every day new friends. Every person around so dear. It was amazing to see how two cultures are so different but people are still the same. I realized that answering some questions which are obvious to us can be very difficult (How can you get train tickets at the agent if there are no tickets available?). There is also a very different way in which we react to people from different skin be it white or black. (Why is every black person in India referred as an African?). We have no respect for personal space.
Lately however, I have had a sense of how this big group is going to reduce to smaller chunks and finally to one individual (me) in solitude. People will get busy with their own lives. Others will start leaving. The radius of friends will start shrinking. Your network will start spreading. Money will grow. Time will shrink. A complete 180 degree switch from the current life at hand. I have seen it happening, and soon I will be feeling it.
I am really bad at endings (Pun intended). That is probably why I prefer to write this than say it to anyone. Hopefully this too will be like year 2011, beginning of a series of posts to vent out. Like every other time in life, I have a plan for the next few months. To live for myself. To learn about myself. To experience newer things. To read. To write. To travel. To be irresponsible. To make it a great year for one last time.
“College di GATE de is taraf hum life ko nachate hai … te duji taraf life humko nachati hai”[Rang De Basanti]
Once in a boring class some stupid lecturer asked everyone to describe themselves in one word. I don't know if you remember this, but you said "Prudent". Back then I thought you were being pompous. Back then I thought you are a little bird who has never left its nest. Back then I didn't "knew" any better.
ReplyDeleteYou know how to make the best out of any given scenario. You can do no wrong. And life across the pond is not so bad. I'll try my best to prove that.
This is really a wonderful post.
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